Daughter of the King

I title this blog "Daughter of the King" because that's who I am. I don't always believe it or live like it, and am constantly reminding myself. Some princess I am, huh?! (I suddenly wonder if Kate Middleton had to also learn to live like a princess and constantly reminds herself she just married the future King of England.)

Anyway, let me explain.

Growing up, I was uncomfortable with my name. I wouldn't say that I hated it, I just thought it was lame. I thought it was too boring, to ordinary, and so on. I actually thought that had I been named something else, like Brianna (the prettiest girl in school) I would have been prettier. And I was somewhat jealous of my brothers getting named after powerhouse men from the Bible. I wanted to be named after someone I could identify with and strive to be like. I wanted to find some identity in my name.

I've always loved the the little cards with your name and its meaning on them. I think name meanings are so interesting. But I never understood mine. "Kimberly - from the royal meadow." What the heck did that mean?! I'm one flower amongst a whole pasture of flowers that just happens to be in the palace garden?? I didn't get it. It brought no meaning or to my life whatsoever. Kimberly is what I'm called, its essentially who I am...but it just felt empty.

The first year I was on staff at my church, the staff women went away for a day. There was a speaker, our meals were catered...it was supposed to be a day of rejuvination and encouragement. Someone from the church wanted to bless each woman and made cards with each person's name much like the cards I just described. They were laid out as place cards for lunch. As I sat down and read the words, "daughter of the King" I felt a rush of emotion. At that moment I KNEW I was HIS daughter. He created me, HE named me. He knew at my birth what I would go through in my life and that I would desperately NEED to know that I was HIS daughter, the KING'S daughter. So HE chose the name Kimberly.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16.

Not long after, each staff member was required to share a devotional at an assigned staff meeting. Ironically, mine fell near my birthday and I chose to share what God had done in my life through learning of my name. I chose a verse to focus on...

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1

God has created me, named me, redeemed me, and I am his. Oh how it felt good to belong to someone. And belong in a way that I was delighted in.

"The Lord your God is with you.
He is mighty enough to save you.
He will take great delight in you.
The quietness of his love will calm you down.
He will sing with joy because of you."
Zephaniah 3:17

God made himself even more clear when I went through some of our family's old photos. I don't know what I was looking for, but I came across a photo of my baptism. It was May 1981. I was barely a month old. I am laying in a baby seat and next to me is a baptism banner my mom made. It read, "Kimberly Lynn Scobie, (date of baptism), 'I have called you by name, you are mine.'"

I was stunned. My mom chose a verse for me way back when, that I would choose for myself more than 20 years later. God was working in my life from the very start. He knew exactly what he was doing when my parents name me and choose a verse for me. He put his stamp on me then and began to reaveal that later in my life.

I am HIS daughter. I belong to the King. I am not just any daughter, not by my doing, but becasue of who I belong to. I am who I am because of who God is. And I can live with my idenity fixed in Him. I can live with the assurance that my Father LOVES me, delights in me, provides for me, is proud of me, wants the best for me, selflessly sacrifices for me, the list goes on.

The King holds all knowledge, all authority, all power, yet is full of love, kindness, gentleness...I am HIS daughter. Oh how that should alter the very way that I live...

Fear

It dawned on me today that I live in fear of what COULD happen. We drove past a heavily bushed patch of road and I was looking out the window as if I might spot a dead body.(Don't worry, I'm giving myself a weird look.) I always do that! I probably watch WAY too much CSI. But it got me thinking...

* When I leave the kids I wonder if it will be the last time I see them.
* When I put them to bed I fear something might happen to them at night.
* I fear them being stolen from me.
* When Ryan is at work, sometimes I wonder if he will be killed in an explosion of some sort.
* I wonder if something will happen to our home or our treasured possesions.
* A friend had their car catch on fire and I got anxiety over what I would do if that happened to me and I had to get both my boys unbuckled from their car seats!

Wonder is almost too light a word, and fear is too strong. Its like it crosses my mind but doesn't linger long enough to let it worry me. Other times, like in the case of the car fire, I play out the whole scenario in my head, as if making a plan of some sort.

What really got me thinking was I that I live as if there is something bad around the corner. Not outwardly, I don't shelter my children from going out or have them sleep in my bed so nothing happens to them, but inwardly I am hesitant or somehow hold back.

I hold tightly to my family and I sense God asking me to let go. To put them in his hands. Only he has control over life and death. I want control over what happens to them, because I don't want anything bad to happen. But what control do I have? I want to trust God with the course of our lives. Afterall, he is the God who created the universe, he set the earth at just the right axis so that its not too cold and not to hot for life to grow. He's the God who created the depths of the ocean and the extraordinary moutains. He put together the miracle of life, that another intricate being would grow in my body. Why would he not take care of what he created, and what he says he loves dearly? He is the one who has control over life and death. Why would I not trust this God with the most precious of things. He cares more than I, and has much more control than I. My role as a mother is to do my best and trust God to fill in the gaps.