I often have to remind myself who I am...daughter of the King. I don't feel like I am, or don't deserve to be.
This feeling has progressively gotten worse. I keep trying to find my way back with no avail. When I heard that the sermon series at church was titled "Stumble" I was hopeful. Maybe this would be it. I have royally stumbled, fallen flat on my face, and cannot get up on my own. Its not like any pastor is my fairy godmother who's sermon is a magic wand to *poof* change my life. But I need some kind of lantern to light my path.
Last weekend our campus pastor delivered a unique sermon. That Sunday was a family service. All the children 5 and up were sitting in the service instead of going to their Sunday school classes. So Pastor Rich did something that would resonate with all ages; he read a Children's book and interwove his sermon throughout.
The book: The Way Home: A Princess Story by Max Lucado. The opening premise: a baby girl was abandoned, discarded, found by the King, adopted, and chosen to be his daughter. *Cue tears.* This was my lantern.
The book went on to talk about how the girl longed to leave the castle and explore the woods where the lowlanders dwelled. She was warned by many that this was no place for the King's daughter. She was loved dearly by the King. But still she longed for a life of fun and adventure despite the King's love and the lavish life.
While enjoying the river one morning, she was willingly lured into the dark woods by a deceptive lowlander. Once inside the tree line the woods closed in behind her and the lowlanders lie made known. The woods were not fun or adventurous. The life of a lowlander was dark, cold, lonely. They lived as slaves to the "master" of the woods.
When the King received word that his daughter had entered the woods he went in after her. He cut down trees, he marched through weeds, he fought the brush to rescue her from depth of the woods. When he arrived, he even fought the master of the woods to win her back.
The girl was filled with shame. She had willingly left her home in the castle, her father's love not enough for her. When her father asked her to come back with him she responded, "but I don't know the way." The illustration on the following page showed the King, arm outstretched, revealing a clean cut clear pathway straight to the castle. The woods were no longer closed in.
Did she go? Of course she went! Who in their right mind would not allow their loving father to rescue them from something horrible?
Me. I am this girl. My story parallels the daughters story, right up to the part when the King asks to her come home. But there I stand, frozen, paralyzed with shame and guilt. I willingly left the castle to explore the woods. I've been in the woods so long, I've built a home and a life there. Now I'd come back to the castle with a truck load of baggage.
My Father cleared a path through the brush the minute he heard I left but he has been standing there, arm outstreched for years, waiting for me to walk that road home with him. But like I said, I am paralyzed with shame and guilt. I desperately want to go but fear even the thought of the trek back to the castle.
I'd be much more comfortable returning as a servant in his household, but that's not what he is asking. That's not who I am. Why is it so umcomfortable to be the King's daughter? It is the abundant life, I have no doubt, but it requires relationship not just servanthood.
Father, pick me up and carry me, push me all the way, anything to get me back . Give me strength to take the first step, to put one foot in front of the other. Override my shame and guilt. Help me to forgive myself.
One day I will look back at this post with a view from the castle and gratefulness in my heart for what my Father has done for me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, August 1, 2011
Extreme Couponing
So I've started couponing...
A few months ago I saw the show "Extreme Couponing." I could not believe the deals people were getting! Hundreds of dollars in grocerys for cash you'd carry in your wallet. I was shocked! And I wanted to know how to do that!
An opportunity came up at the church to attend a couponing class. So I went with a friend. The lady teaching the class made it sound so easy. She bought a few papers, spent a couple hours a week checking the internet and planning her shopping trip.
Well, its not quite that easy. I found it pretty confusing to begin and spent so much time planning that it almost wasn't worth it. But my friend kept reminding me that in a month we'd practically be pros. A month later I'm swinging some pretty slammin' deals!
I get so excited when I pay a buck for a bag of groceries, or get diapers almost free! Here's a few of my best shopping trips...
A few months ago I saw the show "Extreme Couponing." I could not believe the deals people were getting! Hundreds of dollars in grocerys for cash you'd carry in your wallet. I was shocked! And I wanted to know how to do that!
An opportunity came up at the church to attend a couponing class. So I went with a friend. The lady teaching the class made it sound so easy. She bought a few papers, spent a couple hours a week checking the internet and planning her shopping trip.
Well, its not quite that easy. I found it pretty confusing to begin and spent so much time planning that it almost wasn't worth it. But my friend kept reminding me that in a month we'd practically be pros. A month later I'm swinging some pretty slammin' deals!
I get so excited when I pay a buck for a bag of groceries, or get diapers almost free! Here's a few of my best shopping trips...
$7.36 for $66.94 worth of groceries. And the cheese alone was $4.99!
$1.52
$29.19. That's a steal considering 4 packs of diapers would have been $40.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
To See God
Becoming a mother has been the greatest way I see God. I have always seen the greatness of God in the beauty of nature; the mountains, forests, oceans. The earth is full of things far greater than man could ever make. And the sheer fact that nature can destroy the work of a man's hands in seconds says to me that there is a God who set this earth in motion.
But becoming a mother, now that is the work of God's hands. When my first child was born I was overwhelmed with amazement. That in nine months my body helped create another human being; with eyes that see, ears that hear, the intricate workings of the nervous system connected to the brain, the heart, the muscles. And his body and his mind grow. Only God could cause this to happen.
It becomes even more apparant to me as I get to know them more. Their personalities and intersts have also been placed by God. What caused me to write this post was my oldest son, Luke took the dance floor at my brother's wedding. When music plays that kid can't help but move. The band started playing and he was first to the floor, completely serious with no inhibitions. He did moves I've never seen him do before and had no idea where he got them. As I stood there watching and laughing hysterically, I again was amazed at the child God had created and thankful that he gave me the privelege of having him.
But becoming a mother, now that is the work of God's hands. When my first child was born I was overwhelmed with amazement. That in nine months my body helped create another human being; with eyes that see, ears that hear, the intricate workings of the nervous system connected to the brain, the heart, the muscles. And his body and his mind grow. Only God could cause this to happen.
It becomes even more apparant to me as I get to know them more. Their personalities and intersts have also been placed by God. What caused me to write this post was my oldest son, Luke took the dance floor at my brother's wedding. When music plays that kid can't help but move. The band started playing and he was first to the floor, completely serious with no inhibitions. He did moves I've never seen him do before and had no idea where he got them. As I stood there watching and laughing hysterically, I again was amazed at the child God had created and thankful that he gave me the privelege of having him.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
"Blessings" by Laura Story
"What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
is the reavealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy..."
That line in this song struck me. I identify with great disappointments and a deep "aching of this life." My disappointments have left me with an unbearable emptiness and an ache I cannot describe. Often, that is my focus; the hurt I feel. Instead of the One who can satisfy all that this life has not.
My hurts reveal the thirst I have for a perfect love, the perfect words, to be cherished and delighted in, to be fully known and fully accepted. Searching for those things in human relationships will ALWAYS leave you disappointed. But God is the one who can, will, and wants to satisfy my greatest need for love.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Daughter of the King
I title this blog "Daughter of the King" because that's who I am. I don't always believe it or live like it, and am constantly reminding myself. Some princess I am, huh?! (I suddenly wonder if Kate Middleton had to also learn to live like a princess and constantly reminds herself she just married the future King of England.)
Anyway, let me explain.
Growing up, I was uncomfortable with my name. I wouldn't say that I hated it, I just thought it was lame. I thought it was too boring, to ordinary, and so on. I actually thought that had I been named something else, like Brianna (the prettiest girl in school) I would have been prettier. And I was somewhat jealous of my brothers getting named after powerhouse men from the Bible. I wanted to be named after someone I could identify with and strive to be like. I wanted to find some identity in my name.
I've always loved the the little cards with your name and its meaning on them. I think name meanings are so interesting. But I never understood mine. "Kimberly - from the royal meadow." What the heck did that mean?! I'm one flower amongst a whole pasture of flowers that just happens to be in the palace garden?? I didn't get it. It brought no meaning or to my life whatsoever. Kimberly is what I'm called, its essentially who I am...but it just felt empty.
The first year I was on staff at my church, the staff women went away for a day. There was a speaker, our meals were catered...it was supposed to be a day of rejuvination and encouragement. Someone from the church wanted to bless each woman and made cards with each person's name much like the cards I just described. They were laid out as place cards for lunch. As I sat down and read the words, "daughter of the King" I felt a rush of emotion. At that moment I KNEW I was HIS daughter. He created me, HE named me. He knew at my birth what I would go through in my life and that I would desperately NEED to know that I was HIS daughter, the KING'S daughter. So HE chose the name Kimberly.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16.
Not long after, each staff member was required to share a devotional at an assigned staff meeting. Ironically, mine fell near my birthday and I chose to share what God had done in my life through learning of my name. I chose a verse to focus on...
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
God has created me, named me, redeemed me, and I am his. Oh how it felt good to belong to someone. And belong in a way that I was delighted in.
"The Lord your God is with you.
He is mighty enough to save you.
He will take great delight in you.
The quietness of his love will calm you down.
He will sing with joy because of you."
Zephaniah 3:17
God made himself even more clear when I went through some of our family's old photos. I don't know what I was looking for, but I came across a photo of my baptism. It was May 1981. I was barely a month old. I am laying in a baby seat and next to me is a baptism banner my mom made. It read, "Kimberly Lynn Scobie, (date of baptism), 'I have called you by name, you are mine.'"
I was stunned. My mom chose a verse for me way back when, that I would choose for myself more than 20 years later. God was working in my life from the very start. He knew exactly what he was doing when my parents name me and choose a verse for me. He put his stamp on me then and began to reaveal that later in my life.
I am HIS daughter. I belong to the King. I am not just any daughter, not by my doing, but becasue of who I belong to. I am who I am because of who God is. And I can live with my idenity fixed in Him. I can live with the assurance that my Father LOVES me, delights in me, provides for me, is proud of me, wants the best for me, selflessly sacrifices for me, the list goes on.
The King holds all knowledge, all authority, all power, yet is full of love, kindness, gentleness...I am HIS daughter. Oh how that should alter the very way that I live...
Anyway, let me explain.
Growing up, I was uncomfortable with my name. I wouldn't say that I hated it, I just thought it was lame. I thought it was too boring, to ordinary, and so on. I actually thought that had I been named something else, like Brianna (the prettiest girl in school) I would have been prettier. And I was somewhat jealous of my brothers getting named after powerhouse men from the Bible. I wanted to be named after someone I could identify with and strive to be like. I wanted to find some identity in my name.
I've always loved the the little cards with your name and its meaning on them. I think name meanings are so interesting. But I never understood mine. "Kimberly - from the royal meadow." What the heck did that mean?! I'm one flower amongst a whole pasture of flowers that just happens to be in the palace garden?? I didn't get it. It brought no meaning or to my life whatsoever. Kimberly is what I'm called, its essentially who I am...but it just felt empty.
The first year I was on staff at my church, the staff women went away for a day. There was a speaker, our meals were catered...it was supposed to be a day of rejuvination and encouragement. Someone from the church wanted to bless each woman and made cards with each person's name much like the cards I just described. They were laid out as place cards for lunch. As I sat down and read the words, "daughter of the King" I felt a rush of emotion. At that moment I KNEW I was HIS daughter. He created me, HE named me. He knew at my birth what I would go through in my life and that I would desperately NEED to know that I was HIS daughter, the KING'S daughter. So HE chose the name Kimberly.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16.
Not long after, each staff member was required to share a devotional at an assigned staff meeting. Ironically, mine fell near my birthday and I chose to share what God had done in my life through learning of my name. I chose a verse to focus on...
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
God has created me, named me, redeemed me, and I am his. Oh how it felt good to belong to someone. And belong in a way that I was delighted in.
"The Lord your God is with you.
He is mighty enough to save you.
He will take great delight in you.
The quietness of his love will calm you down.
He will sing with joy because of you."
Zephaniah 3:17
God made himself even more clear when I went through some of our family's old photos. I don't know what I was looking for, but I came across a photo of my baptism. It was May 1981. I was barely a month old. I am laying in a baby seat and next to me is a baptism banner my mom made. It read, "Kimberly Lynn Scobie, (date of baptism), 'I have called you by name, you are mine.'"
I was stunned. My mom chose a verse for me way back when, that I would choose for myself more than 20 years later. God was working in my life from the very start. He knew exactly what he was doing when my parents name me and choose a verse for me. He put his stamp on me then and began to reaveal that later in my life.
I am HIS daughter. I belong to the King. I am not just any daughter, not by my doing, but becasue of who I belong to. I am who I am because of who God is. And I can live with my idenity fixed in Him. I can live with the assurance that my Father LOVES me, delights in me, provides for me, is proud of me, wants the best for me, selflessly sacrifices for me, the list goes on.
The King holds all knowledge, all authority, all power, yet is full of love, kindness, gentleness...I am HIS daughter. Oh how that should alter the very way that I live...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Fear
It dawned on me today that I live in fear of what COULD happen. We drove past a heavily bushed patch of road and I was looking out the window as if I might spot a dead body.(Don't worry, I'm giving myself a weird look.) I always do that! I probably watch WAY too much CSI. But it got me thinking...
* When I leave the kids I wonder if it will be the last time I see them.
* When I put them to bed I fear something might happen to them at night.
* I fear them being stolen from me.
* When Ryan is at work, sometimes I wonder if he will be killed in an explosion of some sort.
* I wonder if something will happen to our home or our treasured possesions.
* A friend had their car catch on fire and I got anxiety over what I would do if that happened to me and I had to get both my boys unbuckled from their car seats!
Wonder is almost too light a word, and fear is too strong. Its like it crosses my mind but doesn't linger long enough to let it worry me. Other times, like in the case of the car fire, I play out the whole scenario in my head, as if making a plan of some sort.
What really got me thinking was I that I live as if there is something bad around the corner. Not outwardly, I don't shelter my children from going out or have them sleep in my bed so nothing happens to them, but inwardly I am hesitant or somehow hold back.
I hold tightly to my family and I sense God asking me to let go. To put them in his hands. Only he has control over life and death. I want control over what happens to them, because I don't want anything bad to happen. But what control do I have? I want to trust God with the course of our lives. Afterall, he is the God who created the universe, he set the earth at just the right axis so that its not too cold and not to hot for life to grow. He's the God who created the depths of the ocean and the extraordinary moutains. He put together the miracle of life, that another intricate being would grow in my body. Why would he not take care of what he created, and what he says he loves dearly? He is the one who has control over life and death. Why would I not trust this God with the most precious of things. He cares more than I, and has much more control than I. My role as a mother is to do my best and trust God to fill in the gaps.
* When I leave the kids I wonder if it will be the last time I see them.
* When I put them to bed I fear something might happen to them at night.
* I fear them being stolen from me.
* When Ryan is at work, sometimes I wonder if he will be killed in an explosion of some sort.
* I wonder if something will happen to our home or our treasured possesions.
* A friend had their car catch on fire and I got anxiety over what I would do if that happened to me and I had to get both my boys unbuckled from their car seats!
Wonder is almost too light a word, and fear is too strong. Its like it crosses my mind but doesn't linger long enough to let it worry me. Other times, like in the case of the car fire, I play out the whole scenario in my head, as if making a plan of some sort.
What really got me thinking was I that I live as if there is something bad around the corner. Not outwardly, I don't shelter my children from going out or have them sleep in my bed so nothing happens to them, but inwardly I am hesitant or somehow hold back.
I hold tightly to my family and I sense God asking me to let go. To put them in his hands. Only he has control over life and death. I want control over what happens to them, because I don't want anything bad to happen. But what control do I have? I want to trust God with the course of our lives. Afterall, he is the God who created the universe, he set the earth at just the right axis so that its not too cold and not to hot for life to grow. He's the God who created the depths of the ocean and the extraordinary moutains. He put together the miracle of life, that another intricate being would grow in my body. Why would he not take care of what he created, and what he says he loves dearly? He is the one who has control over life and death. Why would I not trust this God with the most precious of things. He cares more than I, and has much more control than I. My role as a mother is to do my best and trust God to fill in the gaps.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Turning 30
Turning 30 was difficult for me. More the aniticpation of turning 30 than actually turning 30; that came and went like any other day.
As I came up on my birthday, regrets swirled in my head. Regrets from all points of my life. I took some time to myself to refect on my life and wrote down every regret I could think of. As I looked over my page and half of "I wish I had's" I noticed some things.
* My life has been full of insecurities. I have feared what others think of me, how they will react to me, how they will treat me. So I set my actions accordingly.
* I did not LIVE! I lived in fear instead of really putting myself out there and living to the fullest I could live.
What made turning 30 hard for me, is that I am not who I imagined I would be at this point in my life. When I was young and imagined myself as an adult, I imagined a positive, cheerful, faith filled, generous, hospitable, selfless woman.
Someone pointed out to me that when we imagine ourselves in later years, we never picture our flaws or our problems. We see a perfect woman, with a perfect husband, in a nice big house, financially set, children who are also flawless...Very true, I didn't imagine my flaws or my problems. Yet even still, I know I am not in a place spiritually, emotionally, or relationally that I want to be. So now instead of writing down my regrets, I need to sit down and write my "I want to's" and work on them one at a time.
As I came up on my birthday, regrets swirled in my head. Regrets from all points of my life. I took some time to myself to refect on my life and wrote down every regret I could think of. As I looked over my page and half of "I wish I had's" I noticed some things.
* My life has been full of insecurities. I have feared what others think of me, how they will react to me, how they will treat me. So I set my actions accordingly.
* I did not LIVE! I lived in fear instead of really putting myself out there and living to the fullest I could live.
What made turning 30 hard for me, is that I am not who I imagined I would be at this point in my life. When I was young and imagined myself as an adult, I imagined a positive, cheerful, faith filled, generous, hospitable, selfless woman.
Someone pointed out to me that when we imagine ourselves in later years, we never picture our flaws or our problems. We see a perfect woman, with a perfect husband, in a nice big house, financially set, children who are also flawless...Very true, I didn't imagine my flaws or my problems. Yet even still, I know I am not in a place spiritually, emotionally, or relationally that I want to be. So now instead of writing down my regrets, I need to sit down and write my "I want to's" and work on them one at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)