A Daughter's Return

I often have to remind myself who I am...daughter of the King. I don't feel like I am, or don't deserve to be.

This feeling has progressively gotten worse. I keep trying to find my way back with no avail. When I heard that the sermon series at church was titled "Stumble" I was hopeful. Maybe this would be it. I have royally stumbled, fallen flat on my face, and cannot get up on my own. Its not like any pastor is my fairy godmother who's sermon is a magic wand to *poof* change my life. But I need some kind of lantern to light my path.

Last weekend our campus pastor delivered a unique sermon. That Sunday was a family service. All the children 5 and up were sitting in the service instead of going to their Sunday school classes. So Pastor Rich did something that would resonate with all ages; he read a Children's book and interwove his sermon throughout.

The book: The Way Home: A Princess Story by Max Lucado. The opening premise: a baby girl was abandoned, discarded, found by the King, adopted, and chosen to be his daughter. *Cue tears.* This was my lantern.

The book went on to talk about how the girl longed to leave the castle and explore the woods where the lowlanders dwelled. She was warned by many that this was no place for the King's daughter. She was loved dearly by the King. But still she longed for a life of fun and adventure despite the King's love and the lavish life.

While enjoying the river one morning, she was willingly lured into the dark woods by a deceptive lowlander. Once inside the tree line the woods closed in behind her and the lowlanders lie made known. The woods were not fun or adventurous. The life of a lowlander was dark, cold, lonely. They lived as slaves to the "master" of the woods.

When the King received word that his daughter had entered the woods he went in after her. He cut down trees, he marched through weeds, he fought the brush to rescue her from depth of the woods. When he arrived, he even fought the master of the woods to win her back.

The girl was filled with shame. She had willingly left her home in the castle, her father's love not enough for her. When her father asked her to come back with him she responded, "but I don't know the way." The illustration on the following page showed the King, arm outstretched, revealing a clean cut clear pathway straight to the castle. The woods were no longer closed in.

Did she go? Of course she went! Who in their right mind would not allow their loving father to rescue them from something horrible?

Me. I am this girl. My story parallels the daughters story, right up to the part when the King asks to her come home. But there I stand, frozen, paralyzed with shame and guilt. I willingly left the castle to explore the woods. I've been in the woods so long, I've built a home and a life there. Now I'd come back to the castle with a truck load of baggage.

My Father cleared a path through the brush the minute he heard I left but he has been standing there, arm outstreched for years, waiting for me to walk that road home with him. But like I said, I am paralyzed with shame and guilt. I desperately want to go but fear even the thought of the trek back to the castle.

I'd be much more comfortable returning as a servant in his household, but that's not what he is asking. That's not who I am. Why is it so umcomfortable to be the King's daughter? It is the abundant life, I have no doubt, but it requires relationship not just servanthood.

Father, pick me up and carry me, push me all the way, anything to get me back . Give me strength to take the first step, to put one foot in front of the other. Override my shame and guilt. Help me to forgive myself.

One day I will look back at this post with a view from the castle and gratefulness in my heart for what my Father has done for me.